English
中文
“I’d Question Why I Was Even There”: The Pain, Joy, and Sense of Futility of Caring for a Terminal

Stephanie was at the prime of her career when she put it on hold to care for her granduncle with cancer, who only had six months left to live. She shares with us the rewards and hardships of caregiving, and the inevitable sense of futility that comes with the role.

In the summer of 2016, Stephanie, a young and ambitious finance professional, received an email that would derail her life: her beloved granduncle, Ed, had decided to forego chemotherapy after three years of battling pancreatic cancer – the doctors had given him six months to live.

“We were devastated,” says Stephanie. The news was difficult to digest. Despite being thousands of miles away and a generation apart, Stephanie and her granduncle, who migrated to Toronto in his 20s, shared a close relationship. “Over the years, my granduncle and aunt had considered both my mom and me as their own daughters,” says the 32-year-old Singaporean. Now, it was her turn to be there for them. Within a month of receiving the email, she quit her full-time job at Citibank and bought a plane ticket to Canada to tend to her granduncle during his final days. “I am still not sure what compelled me to do this,” she says, but she knew it was a decision she wouldn’t regret.

“When I first walked into the house and greeted my granduncle, he was in such disbelief that he started crying and hugging me,” says Stephanie, revisiting the evening that has now become one of her most cherished memories. “At that moment, I knew my presence showed him how much I cared for and loved him.”

With the goal to provide the best support for her granduncle, Stephanie embarked on her new role. Soon, the realities of caregiving started to hit home. Her days were overwhelmed with errands and unfamiliar duties: from picking up prescriptions, shopping for daily necessities, coordinating care, to maintaining the household. Thrusted into her caregiving role, Stephanie took time to get the lay of the land, but often felt inadequate. “I had not dealt with a loved one with cancer before, and there were a lot of terminologies I did not know and symptoms I could not recognise,” she says in retrospect.

As Stephanie’s granduncle condition deteriorated, her caregiving duties became more mentally taxing. “By the time I moved in with my granduncle, he did not have much energy and was often moody and quiet. It was emotionally challenging to be in that environment 24/7, and having to be positive and energetic,” she says.

Watching the person she cared for slowly weaken and become increasingly frail was excruciating. Perhaps most palpable, however, was the pervasive sense of futility. “I did not know what to say or do to be encouraging and helpful,” she says. Under those circumstances, saying anything could ring hollow. “Sometimes I had to settle for just sitting next to my granduncle as he watched television or read, and just made sure he had sufficient rest and fluids. At times, I’d question why I was even there.”

When the profound fatigue and cascade of negative emotions became too much to handle, Stephanie turned to meditation and exercise for refuge. When the weight of her duty got stifling,  She sought solace in writing, and sharing her caregiving journey with her close network of friends who she used as her own support system. For her, these rituals helped her build confidence and resilience.

“A huge part of caregiving was to provide emotional and mental support; a lot of energy was spent making sure my granduncle remained in good spirits, and to help him deal with negativity on bad days,” she explains, “it was imperative for me to stay positive and healthy so I could serve my role as a caregiver to the best of my ability.” As she sees it, self-care is not only essential to a caregiver’s own health, well-being, and sanity, but also vital for the well-being of the patient.

Three years on, Stephanie looks back at her caregiving experience with fondness and gratitude. “It brought me closer to my granduncle during his final days and showed me the importance of family. I had the opportunity to spend quality time with my loved ones, and even celebrate my granduncle’s last Thanksgiving together,” she reflects. “I came to accept that the world goes on without you – career, friends, life – but they will still be there when you are ready to go back to it. I was fortunate to be in a situation where I could spend uninterrupted time with my loved one without worrying about any other financial burdens, and I am glad I took it.”

其他話題 Other Topics

最新的文章 Latest Posts

By Chelsea Yeung March 3, 2025
第一型糖尿病(Type 1 diabetes),曾被稱為幼年型糖尿病(Juvenile diabetes)或胰島素依賴型糖尿病(Insulin Dependent Diabetes Mellitus,簡稱IDDM),是一種影響全球數百萬人的慢性疾病。與第二型糖尿病不同,第一型糖尿病是由於免疫系統攻擊並破壞胰臟中產生胰島素的細胞所致。胰島素是調節血糖的關鍵激素,缺乏胰島素會導致血糖過高,長期下來可能引發嚴重的健康問題。Evercare為你整合第一型糖尿病的成因、症狀、治療與生活管理,幫助你更全面地了解這一疾病。 目錄 —> 1. 第一型糖尿病是什麼? —> 2. 症狀與診斷方法 —> 3. 病情管理 —> 4. 掌握你的健康!Evercare居家照護服務,助你輕鬆管理糖尿病 —> 5. 常見問題
流感懶人包-病徵-預防及應對方法
By Chelsea Yeung February 13, 2025
每年流感季節,病毒傳播速度急速增加,特別是對於長者、小童和免疫力較弱的人士,流感可能帶來嚴重的健康威脅。Evercare將為你整合流感基本知識、預防方法以及應對方法,讓你和家人健康渡過流感高峰期。
By Chelsea Yeung January 3, 2025
照顧者壓力爆煲,如何自救?「照顧者憂鬱症」不僅對照顧者的身心健康造成影響,也會影響到病患的照顧品質。因此,了解並應對照顧者憂鬱症至關重要。Evercare為你整合四大自救方法,幫助照顧者有效應對憂鬱症,為自己的健康與幸福找到平衡。

喜歡我們的文章嗎?

超過3,000位照顧者已經訂閱我們的資訊!訂閱我們的資訊,你可獲得免費護理工具、專家護理知識和同路人分享。立即訂閱,也可以隨時取消。請在此填寫你的姓名和電郵地址:

Share by: